Solitary Baseball

I have come to the conclusion that the universe loves me...in spite of myself.  I'm constantly finding new ways to sabotage my own movement through life, my serenity, and my spirit.


I was never a great athlete. I had the coordination of a dead frog. Consequently, I was the last one chosen for teams in gym and the one who sat on the bench when I was on a basketball team. (Well, except for the 5 minutes of playtime I did get because of some stipulation that every one must have a chance to play.) 


In stark contrast, whenever I pick up that mental baseball bat, I can swing it over and over again, always hitting my mark without fail--my own soul. 


(something in my mind whispers, "Yeah, but kid, you're aiming at the wrong ball in the wrong ball park!")


And still, the universe loves me in spite of myself...in spite of all the self-inflicted wounding, all the complications of thought, all the stupid choices (especially the ones when I knew better and did it anyway), all the steps I've taken on the path of self-destruction.


How do I know the universe loves me? It's in the most subtle ways...like the heart shaped tree I saw last week, a song on the radio that is exactly what I need to hear at that moment, situations working out perfectly at the very last minute, and the list goes on and on.


Some call that luck. I know it's more than that.


Each occurrence of universal granting of needs, I utter deep felt gratitude. I bask in it. I'm enraptured with the feeling of being loved by something so incomprehensible and omnipotent as the universe.  It conspires with me and more often, on my behalf without my awareness. (sometimes without my cooperation) 


Awareness is everything and so I look for the signs, the symbols, the metaphors...I hold them in my heart and mind. They are the messages of universal love.


Love is an action, not mere emotion. The action fuels the emotion and in turn, the emotion causes more action--and all without expectation. I've found that for the most part, only the universe and Life loves unconditionally. The sun still comes up in the morning and I have another day, no matter what I did the day before. The earth still inspires with its timeless, ever-changing beauty. And people the world over, still walk the concrete and steel palaces we've built, which is a testament of the earth's forgiveness.


I fully believe the soul is a gift. Yet, I don't cherish it as such, consistently or often enough. The fact that I am still dreaming, thinking, engaging in life is amazing to me. There's definitely a higher love all over the place. It resonates through everything. And it's utterly effortless, flowing fluidly with every change.


I grab the baseball bat less and less. When I do hold it, I'm at bat for shorter periods of time. I should burn it. I was never good at baseball anyway.