The pivotal point--Solstice

Solstice...the shadow of night and the dawn of day. After that, the night begins to shorten and the daylight lasts longer, bit by bit.  And so, as I do every year, I engage in releasing the parts of myself that have hindered me over the past year--the things that have come to light in my awareness. 

Releasing isn't always easy. I find that most of me wants to release and yet there is this part of me--the darker aspect of my soul--that wants to cling to these things. Why? Familiarity, I suppose or perhaps cowardice. It's easier to remain with what's familiar even if I know it no longer serves me well...or worse, is downright destructive. I notice we carry false beliefs like our own children, feeding them, nourishing them, guiding them...we adopt them as part of who we are...although they aren't.

Nonetheless, the winter solstice comes and I inwardly search my soul, viewing my willingness to release, and becoming aware of the effort it will take. It should be effortless. I walk myself through the process of making it effortless...it's all part of releasing what hinders. The mere fact it takes effort is something that needs released as well.

I carefully choose exactly how and what to release, as words have power and I find I usually get exactly what I intend. Being precise matters--a lot.  I'm mindful not to choose too many things--more than I can handle at one time. Release is usually rapid and Life responds with situations that demand me to act on the new found truth of my being.

This year, I gently and effortlessly, naturally release the false belief of money making people mean and selfish. It doesn't. I know that. I gently, effortlessly release my fear of money making me forget who I am. I won't.  

I effortlessly, gently release my fear of not being truly heard or seen in a positive light, especially in regard to my family, my writing, and in my business endeavors. (Merely writing this is a test of willingness to release that very thing, as I blow away the urge to backspace it all. This very act enables--I almost wrote, 'coerces'--me to be visible and I feel raw...like the tree in winter.)

Solstice is also a time for me to accept the newness that I intend for my life, just as daylight grows longer bit by bit. Again, I'm careful how I choose my words. Writing intensifies  the intention and creates some incredible movement in my life. It's odd how it works. But I know if I write it, it will be--exactly as I've written.

What newness will I accept? I've been spiralling around this for the past two days now. My life is so full and more often than not, I'm truly happy inside...a deep happiness...I'm truly grateful for the way my life flows. It's a true dance of my spirit. I'm content for the most part.

The real question then, I realize while typing, is what newness will come from releasing those aspects of my shadow self and how can I channel that newness into useful, positive things?  I have abundance in so many areas of my life! I'm truly blessed. 

In answer to the above question:

I intend to naturally, gracefully and with wisdom, accept positive flowing abundance into all aspects of my life, including financial abundance, always in keeping with who I am and the Highest Good for my family, as well as others.

I intend to not hesitate out of fear and wisely act on the creative ideas and inspirations that support who I truly am, result in positive outcomes for others as well, especially in regards to writing and business.

I intend to be visible in a positive light and not personalize the rejection of such, as it's what flows through me, not from me, that

(start over...correct wording is essential. I won't intend rejection. lol)
I intend to be visible and heard in a positive light when I am living my own truth, being who I was born to be, and acting, speaking with integrity. Moreover, I naturally accept being visible and heard.

I gratefully, naturally, and peacefully accept the freedom these ways of thought and being will bring into my life.

I don't think I'm ready to accept love (of the romantic version) from another person and I'm not willing to release what's inside that holds me from letting go, however. And it remains a quandary for me. I suspect it's painful but I'm so numb inside I don't feel it. Some part of my heart is locked away...far far away...so far I don't even know where it is or even with what key I used...but this is for another time, another day. I'm rambling...things are churning inside.

I've written enough for one night. :) May your holiday be filled with great blessings and may you notice them all and drink them into your heart and soul! Know that you so richly deserve it all!

Solitary Baseball

I have come to the conclusion that the universe loves me...in spite of myself.  I'm constantly finding new ways to sabotage my own movement through life, my serenity, and my spirit.


I was never a great athlete. I had the coordination of a dead frog. Consequently, I was the last one chosen for teams in gym and the one who sat on the bench when I was on a basketball team. (Well, except for the 5 minutes of playtime I did get because of some stipulation that every one must have a chance to play.) 


In stark contrast, whenever I pick up that mental baseball bat, I can swing it over and over again, always hitting my mark without fail--my own soul. 


(something in my mind whispers, "Yeah, but kid, you're aiming at the wrong ball in the wrong ball park!")


And still, the universe loves me in spite of myself...in spite of all the self-inflicted wounding, all the complications of thought, all the stupid choices (especially the ones when I knew better and did it anyway), all the steps I've taken on the path of self-destruction.


How do I know the universe loves me? It's in the most subtle ways...like the heart shaped tree I saw last week, a song on the radio that is exactly what I need to hear at that moment, situations working out perfectly at the very last minute, and the list goes on and on.


Some call that luck. I know it's more than that.


Each occurrence of universal granting of needs, I utter deep felt gratitude. I bask in it. I'm enraptured with the feeling of being loved by something so incomprehensible and omnipotent as the universe.  It conspires with me and more often, on my behalf without my awareness. (sometimes without my cooperation) 


Awareness is everything and so I look for the signs, the symbols, the metaphors...I hold them in my heart and mind. They are the messages of universal love.


Love is an action, not mere emotion. The action fuels the emotion and in turn, the emotion causes more action--and all without expectation. I've found that for the most part, only the universe and Life loves unconditionally. The sun still comes up in the morning and I have another day, no matter what I did the day before. The earth still inspires with its timeless, ever-changing beauty. And people the world over, still walk the concrete and steel palaces we've built, which is a testament of the earth's forgiveness.


I fully believe the soul is a gift. Yet, I don't cherish it as such, consistently or often enough. The fact that I am still dreaming, thinking, engaging in life is amazing to me. There's definitely a higher love all over the place. It resonates through everything. And it's utterly effortless, flowing fluidly with every change.


I grab the baseball bat less and less. When I do hold it, I'm at bat for shorter periods of time. I should burn it. I was never good at baseball anyway.

The Heart of the Naked Tree

There was a day or two in the beginning of last week when I was feeling quite defeated--something I don't often allow myself to sink into.  I was afraid I was going to have to close my business and call it an experience that failed.  I was in the hole in a bad way. Nothing was on the schedule book. The phone got shut off. (A few days later I was able to get it turned back on by stroke of luck.) I was sinking further and further into despair.

But then, my Ausband stubborness kicked into high gear. I actually yelled at the top of my lungs in the car, "NO! This is NOT an option! This is not going to happen, damn it!" In my mind's eye, I shook my fist at the Universe...moreso at my own fear, worry, and self-wallowing.

While all this was going on, I was making a ton of love jars as a donation to families who applied for Christmas help. During that process, I realized what I was writing and it finally sunk into my being. (Hey, write 25-30 notes each for 108 love jars and something is bound to seep in!) 

"You are a Perfect Portrait of Love"

"Love doesn't know I Can't"

"You are a Miracle in Motion"

"Know the Magic of You!"

"Worry is a muscle cramp of Abundant Positive Flow"

"Believe in the unimaginable possibilities for your life"

The words flowed from somewhere and on to each slip of paper.

Slightly beyond halfway finished, in a single moment--a nanosecond--I was slapped in the face by it all. Everything made sense to me. The message applies to me too. I'm not exempt. (Neither are any of you, by the way)

My stubborn resolve became firmly entrenched in my being...I could pull this out...I'm an Ausband, made of Love and I do not know defeat.

........And then there were two people on the schedule for that Friday and another on the schedule for the following Monday.

It's amazing what happens when I magnetize myself, business, etc!  It's a shift in frequency, that's all it is. So simple. I wonder why I forget that so much?

The two on that Friday were mobile therapy appointments. So while driving, guess what I see?! It's this tree alone in a barren field with only two branches coming off of the main trunk angled in separate directions. On the upper top of those two branches, were smaller branches arching in toward each other.

The tree made a perfect heart, with a solid trunk rooted in the earth.  Should that tree have had leaves, had it been another season, no one would have seen it's heart. What a reflection for me! 

A single tree, naked in winter's chilled grip, yet standing firm, strong, in its barest, truest essence, was providing inspiration to those travelling down their own road to destinations unknown.

This week, out of the blue, the phone was ringing, people were scheduling, I'm able to keep office open I think, and I am able to do what I was put here to do: Help people and their bodies heal themselves. 

Ironically (maybe not so ironic), in this process, I also healed a little more of myself. 

The Tempest of Time

Time seems to have gotten away from me these past few weeks.  I'm not a timekeeper. I don't look at the clock often, unless I absolutely have to. There's a degree of freedom in that.  I rule time, it doesn't rule me.

However, there are moments when a day to me could be as long as two or as brief as an hour. Weeks could seem like a year or mere days. The furious speed of time is usually my indicator that I've moved too far away from myself--from my center.  I've moved into the winds of the tornado that whirls around me with all its debris and chaos; howling winds so loud I can't hear my own inner voice.  

I'll feel it internally...I will feel out of sync, as if something vague is plaguing my soul but I'm unable to see the menace. I'm out of balance.  Often, it will take my own body sending the reminder to move into the center of the tempest. By that point, I'm already sucked into the vaccum of the external realm, into the demands of others--or self-perceived demands of others.  Slowly and with arduous effort, I pull myself out of it and into the calm. 

Every once in a while, I'll get a gentle reminder from a friend or family member to reconnect with my center. That is an incredible blessing because it comes before my body goes into rebellion.

It's only here, in that sacred silence, the stillness of the soul that I have true discernment. It's here that I can guage what are my own expectations, what are perceived expectations others may have...

I read that segment again: what are perceived expectations others may have?  I have to question myself if they really have those expectations of me at all? Most likely not.

I know the people in my life and I know they accept that I have responsibilities, a life of my own, dreams of my own. They also know and understand that it's vital for me to take time for myself, to be introspective, to center, to be a silent witness in my own life and soul. They know I love them and I know they love me.

So I wonder, where exactly do the perceived expectations come from?  It's something I must explore and free myself from.

I hear an echo way down deep in the dark chasms of my soul. It's so distant and muffled, I can't recall. Some demons we lock away and starve, will still scream from time to time. The screaming reverberates through our daily life in both blatant and subtle ways.  I think I need some metaphysical duct tape for them.

Thank you, Al for the reminder! I'm so grateful to you for that! Once again, I return to myself, return to words of Inner Truth that flow from the depths of my soul. Once again, I center and regain my control over time rather than its control over me.

In The Outer Limits of Chaos

It's no secret that our society fills our lives and minds with clutter, chaos, and noise.  All this impacts our stress level and our body's ability to handle stress.

We can't hear our own voices anymore. We drown our own hearts and spirit by thoughts, obligations, radio, TV, other people, demands, responsibilities...  It's an arduous and relentless assault on all our senses and spirit. We stand in the middle of it all like a barren tree in rising flood waters.

But Life doesn't have to be lived this way. Life doesn't have to even be seen this way. Living is much more fulfilling, much more profound, much more joyful.

There is this place that I can go any time I wish. Every one has this place, as well.  It's the source of  personal power and love.  It's inside...deep in the chasms of my soul.  It's the place of Silence. And where there is silence, only truth can be heard. Where there is silence, no lies can be uttered. 

It's that place where time can't touch with its ticking, demanding hands. No worries for future exists here. No regurgitation of  yesterday exists here. Where there are no distractions, all that is left is the essence of who I am and the voice of Creator.

Our inner workings are so complex. I simplified it as a reminder to myself. The mind is where everyone else's voice exist. The heart is where I hear my own voice. But the soul...the soul is the place where I hear the voice of Creation. It's subtle, peaceful...like soft whispers or distant lullabies. This is the place of silence...but a beautiful, fulfilling, serene silence. The silence of dreams and visions.

The mind is clamouring with every one's voices, opinions, expectations. Some days, it's an angry mob of protesters. Other days, it's a nursery of whining toddlers.  It drowns out the heart--my own voice. It demands to take precedence. Since there are times my own voice is also in the mind, it's easy to lose discernment and believe that every thing in the mind is aligned with my own voice, my heart.  It isn't always.


For myself, it's vital to know all the differences between the mind, heart and soul.  Knowing the differences is key to making them all one--bringing them into alignment with who I really am. With discernment, I can separate things in the mind that echo my heart and soul. I can extract the positive things, things that serve me well and discard the rest to the wind.


But I can't begin the process in my mind. I have to start in the outer limits of the chaos--in the soul. I take what is there and bring it up through me. I use my own measuring gauge. Does the heart echo the soul? What in the mind echoes both heart and soul?


It's not a thinking process. It's a listening with totality of Being, then feeling process.

The answer to a million prayers

The time within you is now...it's the moment you've been waiting for. That light you search for is not external, not internal either...it is you. Yes, you!

Love isn't outside anyone's reach. It's not some elusive shadowy thing we can't grasp, only coming to a select few who are especially privileged.  It is everywhere! Mostly, people don't feel they are worthy to accept it, they can't bring themselves to trust it, or they don't know it when it's all around them. 

But I tell you....

You are the vision of love, a miracle in motion...part of the great tapestry of the Universe. You are a golden thread being woven, connecting, flowing, adding texture, color, depth, and inspiration to millions of people, some not yet born...Who you touch today will touch another tomorrow.  That is your legacy in motion.

You are a light of hope to people you don't even know....people who may not know how to tell you or may not be able to tell you. It is the way you move through life that inspires others. It is your passion, your joy...the way you paint your story...the way you sing your song.

I believe this with all my soul. It doesn't matter where you came from, what you do...you are more than that...those are just minor parts of the vehicle.  What happened yesteryear isn't now. Let no one rob the world of the joy that is you...all you. Let nothing, no situation rob the world around you of you. To do so, is a travesty. Nothing and no one is worth that much of you, of stealing your greatness from the world.  No memory is worth that. No time in your life is worth that.


Call back your light from all the places it may be...whether it's hiding or whether it was taken. It's yours...it is the Divine Truth of your Being. It's part of your greatness, part of your magic. When you reclaim the lost pieces of you, in that moment, you will no longer rob the world of anything...ever.


You are the answer to prayers uttered by a million souls, both before you were born and after...and today still. That is part of Love that surrounds you...it's everywhere...it's you, it's me, it's Life, it's the Magic of Creation.
 

Beneath the Soil

The dying moments...They aren't really dying but merely transforming.  Sometimes, the moments last a short duration. Uncomfortable as it may be, the clouds move away quickly, the light shines down and the storm is past. My world is nourished from the cleansing rain and the lightening has taken out the dry, broken, useless things that no longer serve me.


However, other times, the dying moments seem to last on and on and on. There seems no end to the darkness, the lack of vision.  The road ahead is clouded with fog and visibility is zero. I creep along, barely staying on the road.  Yet these are the times when transformation is its most visible, its most intense, and its most productive.


It is the winter of my life when the soil of my heart is frozen, the time of light is shortened, and the sky is most grey. The colors disappeared from my view and life seems monotonous.  But...underneath the cold stillness, much growth is occurring. Much is unseen.

People looking from the outside may see my walk in life as coming to a halt. They may see me as being withdrawn. It's the vibrant life inside that they aren't seeing. The seeds of Creation are taking root.


There are no dying moments--only on  the surface. I wait for the surface to shift and display a bounty of inspiration and beauty. I wait for the surface of my life to show the wisdom and healing that have grown. I wait...and then I can share the excess of it all with everyone around me.


It's only a moment I am living...the fog is thick...but I can still feel the road. Don't be deceived by the dying moments inbetween.

Live On the Edge of Simplicity

In a complicated world with endless noise, distraction, and chaos, the question is: "How can I live simply without being affected by the constant barrage of negativity?" Our society is inundated with it. It seems we can invent problems where none exist, including within our own minds.

In the thesaurus, Simply is followed by "naturally, easily, quietly, sincerely, honestly..." Those words are the magic by which an unadulterated life is obtained.

Gratitude has become more than a daily practice; it's a way of living. Every day, there is a miracle. All I have to do is slow down and take notice. Awareness sparkles like a diamond.


Creating Joy and Laughter is the composition of divine music. Each of us possesses that gift.

Slowing down, totally investing myself in the moments I am in, and breathing the light of life around me is a tool. It helps me center, assess before responding, truly listen with all of me, and separate things that beckon me to complicate my existence. With that tool, my world is unadulterated. (When I remember to use it)


In small ways throughout the day, I give to society from my heart. It doesn't matter if it's paying for some one's coffee in the line behind me or if it's a simple smile, acknowledging the cashier by name, complimenting her/him. It's the genuine actions that are the farthest reaching, more often than not.


Knowing what I own and what I don't is also key to living simplistically. However, this is much more challenging. It's too easy to lay claim to things I don't truly own. No other area of my life is this more tricky than in relationships. This is where the honesty aspect of living simply enters--honesty with self. Society, our ego, and people beg us to adopt and cherish fears, lies, subtle manipulations solely to feed the fragile scared little ego. Feeling self-important is so much different than knowing our importance (value) to the Greater Whole.

As I rid myself of false guilt--which almost always has its root in some deep seated fear--the line between what I truly own and what I don't, become more defined. In that moment, I nullify others' attempts to create conflict.

The task of living an unadulterated life remains a challenge. Finding the balance is an art, a dance, as everything is in constant flux. Surrendering to the constant ebb of life, isn't always the decision I want to make. (Maintaining control is arduous.) However, when I do surrender, it makes living more pure, more natural.


So, I don't live simply...yet.
I live on the Edge of simplicity.